i started to write a post labeled "depression" yesterday
like i sometimes do, i had fallen into a funk the last couple of days and couldn't crawl out of it.
i had been growing increasingly more resentful of the job i have
which offers little pay for work that is beyond my qualifications.
(fyi - it is extremely anxiety provoking to "teach" something that you yourself do not know)
i was also very suddenly and deeply missing my friends and my social life from new york. after being in philadelphia one year, i had regressed to those early months of feeling displaced and missing public transportation (probably in part due to the fact that i was now driving to work in the suburbs rather than riding my bike into the city as i had done last year)
i was crying uncontrollably at anything and everything
and testing the limits of my husbands' patience with my all-over-the-place feelings
but then a couple of things happened.
i went to see the movie "searching for sugarman" which shifted my perspective dramatically. without giving anything away about the film (i will let the women at skipriporplay watch and analyze it for you) i can say that art has the ability to revitalize my spirit.
the other thing that happened was that i remembered this pyramid of maslow's that a friend introduced me to. that this kind of self-imposed depression comes to people who have the things that really matter on the bottom of the structure, and have to get off their ass and work for the things toward the top of it. and for a variety of reasons, for some of us, those things toward the top are more challenging to attain than all those essentials that we forget to appreciate every day of our lives.
i was reminded that i should consider myself lucky to have been gifted so many things without my having to work for them.
even though i've literally been losing sleep and hair over the self-inflicted stress of my life right now, i have to remember that it is in fact self-inflicted. and if i really want something better for myself, i have to work for it.
2 comments:
come on carmezita
cheer up.
and who said that you should consider yourself lucky to have been gifted so many things without you having to work for them.
you worked a lot for most of the things you have.
and regarding this frickin maslow: what is that ? I do not get it.
what is at the top or at the bottom? what is important and what not ?
and now, to the torture to prove that I'm not a robot trying to take advantage of this blog ( average times that I have to write this retarded words: 12
the pyramid is a hyierachy of needs. at the bottom are basic and essential things like food, water, ability to breath, sleep, shit, etc
i did not earn any of those things, i was gifted them. "life" and basic necessities.
up the ladder you then have things like employment, family, morality
above that friendhip, sexual intimacy
above thaht self-esteem, confidence, acheivement,
and the top: acceptance of facts, creativity "self actualization"
it is only people that have all the things they really NEED who have the time or mental space to think about whether they are "happy" or "satisfied" or being the best version of themselves. (top of the pyramid)
all these last things are important, but not vital and not out of our control - and should not cause so much grief when there is bigger grief in the world.
i believe it is wihin my power to be happy or sad about my job, or my hobbies. life is too short to agonize about self actualization - especially because, with some energy, i can decide to find the silver lining, or the lesson, or the something. rather than just indulge in depression
make more sense?
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