socialization

i cannot separate who i am really from what i have been socialized to be.

in highschool i made a point of not shaving my armpits (which were remarkably hairy) but have since gotten that hair removed by laser - a great barter for a couple of hours of babysitting.

sellout.

i like using old spice deodorant because i like the smell
but maybe more so because i know it is not meant for me to wear

i like driving my husband's truck, drinking whiskey and being good at math - all the more because i'm not supposed to.

i don't dress like a "lady" but only because i find it unbearably uncomfortable.
i love the way high heels draw attention to the arch of the foot, the curve of the calf; strong but somehow delicate.

no, i cannot separate who i am from who i am supposed to be.