processing

i got an email last night saying that one of the seniors from our school was fatally injured in a car accident last night on his way home from school.

this morning we gathered together to remember him and allow anyone who felt so inclined to say a few words.

i had never met the young man, but after hearing the news i began to learn a lot about him. mostly that he was a beloved classmate, and in the words of one of his coaches, "a tremendous teammate".  his facebook profile picture was of him in his football uniform with one arm around each of his proud parents.

as the day progressed the students became increasingly undone,
and so did i.
there were more meetings,
time to share feelings,
memories,
ideas about how to cope and remember or honor him.

seeing those young men cry reminded me of suffering my own first loss - my only one...
i remember people saying at the time that death has a way of triggering so many thoughts and feelings.
that one death may remind you of your own mortality, or even of a loss you previously suffered.
i remember being so annoyed by this.
for me, the only loss i had was enough - i did not have something to compare it to,and  it did not make me think about my own mortality or the memory of someone else.
 it was all encompassing and devastating all on its own.

and now, as i watch a community try to heal, i am reminded of those warnings...that one loss triggers the memory of another. and i have become one of those people, upset by the tragedy of this young man's early death; it is indeed itself, very tragic, but made more upset because he opened a scab for me that so easily bleeds. like the empathetic tears that flow with just the slightest suggestion.