socialization

i cannot separate who i am really from what i have been socialized to be.

in highschool i made a point of not shaving my armpits (which were remarkably hairy) but have since gotten that hair removed by laser - a great barter for a couple of hours of babysitting.

sellout.

i like using old spice deodorant because i like the smell
but maybe more so because i know it is not meant for me to wear

i like driving my husband's truck, drinking whiskey and being good at math - all the more because i'm not supposed to.

i don't dress like a "lady" but only because i find it unbearably uncomfortable.
i love the way high heels draw attention to the arch of the foot, the curve of the calf; strong but somehow delicate.

no, i cannot separate who i am from who i am supposed to be.

found!

sorry for the delay. i know many of you were concerned -
"is it really gone forever?"
" just misplaced?"
turns out that i am a little dumber than i look. when sweeping my hand through the various pockets of this suitcase i managed to miss feeling the large lump of a camera in any of them. it was sitting in this large internal mesh pocket, so it seems my eyes don't work all that well either. while the bad news is that i am sort of a dummy, the good news is that i found the camera!

missing

victim is small, silver and middle aged. contains pictures from the last year including work documented on home, rise and fall of plants recently planted, several cute kids, and testimony of recent trip to vegas. if found please contact; willing to pay ransom (at least for the memory card).

viva

las vegas is a city of consumption. how fitting that i just read an article about loving versus liking and the world of consumption. there were a couple of interesting points in it but the one i liked best is quoted below. after a description of how the term "to like" has been redefined in our world by technological gadgets and facebook clicks jonathan franzen says the following in his essay "liking is for cowards, go for what hurts".

There is no such thing as a person whose real self you like every particle of. This is why a world of liking is ultimately a lie. But there is such a thing as a person whose real self you love every particle of.