new year

this picture is anticipation
it can make me feel hopeful and calm, but also anxious
out of this big vast, blue ocean, so easy to get lost in, i am about to emerge
guided by a band of people who love me, and people whom i also love
i don't want to take that for granted...i am lucky to have these people and others

but the water was warm that day and the air was not. 
i knew that when i got out i would be much colder than i was when i was carried by the waves, just letting my body, with another little body inside of me, be weightless
so often i feel heavier than i am, carry more than i have,
want,
or am able to

i like making new years resolutions, despite rarely sticking to them
this year i want to jump in more oceans
want to remember to just enjoy the moments i have in the moments i have them - so easy to get lost in the past and the future.
want to never take for granted those people on the shore helping to guide me - let them catch me with big open arms
and like my four year old taught me: remember to put my brave in front of my scared