a friend recently told me that i was responsible for changing the way she looked at dance - for getting her interested in it, developing her facility to approach it, and that the work i made and the way i performed somehow stood out to her.
all i could say in response was: "those are really nice things to say..."
i was embarrassed.
i don't always feel like i can/should identify myself as a dancer or as a choreographer.
in fact, several weeks ago someone came up to me at a party and asked if i was a dancer and i simply said "no".
she continued, "because i thought i saw you in a work last weekend in williamsburg...."
"OH YES, that was me..."
where does this inability to define myself come from? lack of confidence? fear of...something? i'm not sure, but sometimes i think it's not a bad idea to try and see yourself through someone else's eyes; they may have some perspective on you that you are unable to have on yourself.
3 comments:
What is even more interesting is that you wouldn't hesitate to say that you were a runner or an athlete. It is hard to claim yourself as an artist perhaps because of fear or fear of pretension. However, it is necessary to the creative process, the creative soul. You have to own it.
you ARE a choreographer and a dancer.
maybe you do not present yourself as such because you do also other jobs and you live on these and not on those ?
I think one thing that helps us identify ourselves as artist/musician/dancer/choreographer/actor/whatever is how much time we spend practicing. I've noticed that when I'm not practicing regularly, I feel embarrassed to identify myself as an artist/musician/yoga practitioner/writer/whatever, whereas when I'm practicing every day, I feel happy and confident and identify myself as "~" more comfortably (even if I don't have a performance or something coming up).
Btw, I think it's a wonderful idea to look at yourself through other people's eyes occasionally, especially when those people are friends who see enormous and unique talent in you. Sometimes we feel we have feelings and ideas that we want to express, but we feel blocked in some way. Don't stop fighting to unblock those channels. It's part of the process, I think...
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