crazy

people throw that term around a lot. i do as well. but recently, i've been feeling actually, for real, crazy. i suppose it's part of being a woman that my hormones rage at times, but i seem to be the only person in my family that is quite so hormonal.

i cry easily. i don't just mean during sappy movies (although i do that too) but in the thinking or telling of anything i have strong feelings about. and i seem to have a lot of feelings.

as i was treating myself to a lunch out, i saw two legitimately crazy people (that can happen a lot in new york - especially when outdoor seating is an option). one was a woman who had a cat on a leash and was mumbling to herself. her hair was disheveled and her t-shirt full of holes (looked like the cat's work). the other, was a man that had probably 15-20 layers of clothes on, including several pairs of shoes slung over each of his shoulders (a man i have seen for several years now roaming the upper west side). this man also frequently talks to himself.

as i considered both of these individual's states i couldn't help but feel incredibly sad. no, i didn't cry. and i realize that they are probably not interested in my sympathy (for all i know they might each be incredibly happy people)...and i guess i am only coming to understand why i felt so sad as i am writing this...

it seemed incredibly lonely to be in the states they were in. to live in a world that had little to do with the one actually around you.

i suppose that is what makes me feel "crazy" at times when i get overly emotional. i am aware that no one understands what the hell it is that i am so upset about. and because i am someone that thrives on interacting with people, i sometimes find that my feelings can get in the way of my ability to connect...