rushing nowhere

i was running down into the subway station, carrying two grocery bags from zabar's - determined to make it onto the train that just pulled into 79th street. i rushed past one group of people meandering down the stairs, past another strolling toward the turn-styles but then got stuck behind an old lady unable to get her metrocard successfully swiped. she kept re-swiping over and over again as hoards of people exited the train and spilled through the remaining turn-styles, making it impossible for me to enter through any besides the one this old lady was blocking.

"la puta que me parió" i muttered quietly- and the moment i heard myself say the words, i was instantly ashamed. why was i so annoyed? apart from aggravating my o.c.d. for anything related to efficiency, what difference did it make if i got on this train or the next? sometimes i feel like this city turns me into a little ball of tension.