in order to ensure a late night

1: make sure that while doing your laundry, you lock yourself out of your apartment.

• quickly think about who has keys and realize that the two people you are sure of live hours away (useful).
• consider the fact that your sister (one subway stop away) might have keys.
• make sure not to have your phone on you to verify.
• make sure not to have proper clothing so that you have to jog to the subway to stay warm
• make sure to not have your metrocard so that you need to hop the turnstyle (something you did in paris and got fined for)

be grateful that she:
a. had the keys
b. lent you her metrocard so you could ride home without breaking the law again
c. gave you more quarters to finish your laundry

2: miss your stop on the subway when you are coming home from your friend's birthday party

• make sure that you are traveling a fair distance (brooklyn to manhattan... for example)
• make sure to wake up at every stop leading up to your stop
• make sure to wake up at your stop and make a mad dash to the doors as they are closing
• notice someone say "aw" as a response to your pathetic attempt to exit the train late
• wait at the next stop (your sister's stop again) for the train headed in the opposite direction to take you back to the stop you missed

be grateful that:
at 2:30am it's your favorite conductor taking you home, reminding everyone not to litter and to be courteous (some of us need reminders...)