becoming a mom

yep,
its official. i am 13 weeks pregnant.
now does it all make sense? my complaining about being tired and sick? my dad's comment on the last post about some information missing? (thanks for not blowing up my spot, dad)

i am extremely excited, happy, and ready

but let me be honest - these first 3 months have been pretty miserable. i know i will feel differently when i actually HAVE a baby, but that seems far away from now and despite being the size of a plum or a peach, this baby still feels more like an abstract idea rather than a real thing.

the only reality i had the first ten weeks was being exhausted and getting dirty looks from the nurses at my school when i would go to their office in the middle of the day to take a nap. "are you feeling ok?" "have you gone to see a doctor?" were some of the questions they would ask...i was hoping the the fact that they are both women and one of them is pregnant (!) that they knew and would just let me sleep...

more reality was being nauseous ALL the time. no not just in the "morning" but at any point of the day i could suddenly gag and vomit may or may not follow. lovely.

and while i am ready to grow a baby and all that that entails, right now my stomach doesn't look like i'm pregnant, i just look like i haven't done any exercise in a while and am putting on weight (which, is actually true).

despite this list of complaints, i am fully aware of what a miracle it is, and how lucky i am to in fact BE pregnant. i think i was just assuming that my pregnancy would mirror my sister's (she loved being pregnant, felt great through all three of her pregnancies and talks about how she would love to be pregnant again!)

i think it's also hard to feel sick and not be able tell anyone why. it's been so nice to finally be able to share the news with people and have their reactions become part of the reality too. people's enthusiasm has been lovely.

and the first time i went to visit a midwife at the bryn mawr birthing center (a topic that requires its own post) and got to hear a heart beating in my stomach...that was pretty amazing and made me cry. that was the moment it was really, really real. i'm growing a baby in there.