the chord

when i was younger i remember thinking it odd that my father, being a very affectionate man, expressed a strong aversion to having his bellybutton touched.

it didn't hurt him, it didn't tickle him, it gave him "asco" which in english, translates roughly to: disgust or repugnance. and even this word "asco" didn't quite describe what it felt like to him.... he just knew he didn't like it.

as i got older i developed a similar condition. i am not sure why i didn't feel this way when i was younger, nor why i have come to feel this way now.

my only explanation is that it has something to do with the memory of the chord that was there. maybe as my body became ready for motherhood it brought some new awareness that was lacking to this delicate place. perhaps these feelings are further complicated by one's relationship to their mother - whether they have one or not... 

we all have this spot, virtually at our core, marking where we were once tethered to our mothers.  like a wound that has healed, but left a mark, it sits there to remind us of where we came from; and that our survival once depended on that link.

i feel priveleged to now begin to learn what that connection is like from the other side. to feel something move inside my own body and know, but not yet fully understand, that it will become independent of me. and that after the chord is physically and much later metaphorically cut, there will always be a place on the maps of our bodies linking us back together.