above the earth

the past several times that i have sat myself down to write something,
i just can't seem to articulate whatever it was that i had been thinking about before sitting down...
or maybe i just can't think of anything to begin with.

many times i will open up a post,
write only a title,
or perhaps a single sentence.
but unable to elaborate, i close it up, and sometimes come back to it later,
but mostly i leave these unfinished posts in cyber space for months before just deleting them.

today, as i sat with a window seat to an expansive view of the earth below me i thought of so many things to write about. and then hoped i would remember them all...

• i thought about the last time i had been on a plane by myself...i couldn't quite remember when that was (maybe my trip to new zealand three years ago right before starting my less virtual and more actual relationship with erk?)
• i thought about the next time i would fly by myself...i can't imagine when that would be...(when the current bun in the oven and the next however many more are grown up?!)
• i thought about how many kids i would have, where we would live, what my life would look like the next time i flew by myself...
• i thought about how the clouds looked like so many other things from this plane-window perspective; snow covered mountains or a forest of cauliflower
• i thought about how so many things can "look" different depending on ones' perspective
• i thought about my haircut that i got earlier that week. how i go to this same woman more because i like to talk with her than because of the haircuts she gives me
• i thought about how important relationship are. 
• i thought about how funny it was that the last post i had attempted to write was about my friends/friendships in general...but that i didn't get very far beyond the first line and that now i have just begun to a read a book that so nicely praises female friendships; that this writer had struck a chord with me and said (in part) what i had thought about saying but didn't quite know how about the value of her female friends in her life. 
• i thought about how beautiful manhattan looked as we were taking off. how the bird's eye view, shaped just like the subway maps, long a skinny, hugged by water on every side with a big patch of green in the middle, was like seeing the sistine chapel for the first time after seeing so many recreations of it in anticipation: sort of surreal in it's super-realness
• i thought about how silly the jenny mcarthy book on pregnancy was, but how there were these small nuggets of truth that i appreciated. like how she claims that a pregnant woman cannot hold her pee - this truth became real to me as i found myself waking up TWO passengers beside me (i never do that) so that i could crawl out from my window seat and make my way to the mini plane bathroom before  relieving myself rather anticlimactically.  (fyi, when you are pregnant you might feel like you are about to wet yourself, and then discover that you have nothing more than two drops of urine that were taking your body hostage)
• i thought about trains of thought and following them back
• i thought about writing this post
• i thought how ironic it was to have such a beautiful and vast view of the world, from such a small, stuffy and stagnant place (have i mentioned how much i don;t like sitting on planes despite my love of traveling?)

i thought about a lot of things and wondered how much of it i would remember, 

but not only for this post, more generally

to keep in mind and use or ignore for what my father so appropriately reminded me, is not a rehearsal.