in school i loved improvising but found it to be terrifying at times. there was something so vulnerable about putting yourself out there, unrehearsed.
the other day i took little m to a improvisational dance workshop. and again, i was terrified:
1. to be improvising again after so much time away from it
2. to have no guarantees about how it would go (with m as a spectator).
at first, all the things i could have imagined going wrong did. we got there late because i had written down the wrong address and don't have a smart phone to quickly look anything up. when we finally did arrive, the group was deep into a quiet and meditative warm up - everyone with their eyes closed and the second i put m's car seat down she started screaming.
whoops.
there was a lot of whining and crying during that first half of the class as i made attempts to participate in the various exercises. finally at one point m suddenly suspended her separation anxiety complex and got interested in exploring the space and checking out the people. i was finally free to fully participate in the class' culminating exercise: a group improvisation.
this group format i find most scary because there is no way of anticipating what will happen; you are forced to be very much in the moment. and of course, this is the dance/life/child rearing lesson - the most valuable moments are happening in the present. you just have to show up, pay attention, tell the truth and be open to the outcome. it's scary and rewarding.
1 comment:
nicely written camu.
keep attending.
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