how long?

i got back from a weekend away from m last night

while i was away wondering about every little thing she was doing or not doing i also wondered how long it would take for her to not remember who i was.

surely after those three days she would still remember, but what about three weeks? three months? she is not yet a year old so even though she has a very clear idea of who i am now, her "lifetime" is short, so all time is relative to that.

everyone assured me she would never forget. that even if she forgot, she would then somehow remember.  and while i believe that in part to be true (that even the things we dont remember from our past are somehow kept somewhere deep in our brains in a place that we may not always be able to access completely or clearly) i also still wondered, how long until she would look at me blankly and wonder "who is that person?"

while she did indeed remember me when i came back from the weekend, she did have a funny reaction to seeing me. she went from smiling (something she does for everyone she sees in case she can get one in return) to a look of almost fear. she then looked over at her dad as if to ask for confirmation of something.

for the rest of the evening she preferred her dad over me and i thought "how nice for both of them"

as much as i love being an important person in m's life i enjoy watching her develop other relationships, most especially that one, even more. they are lucky to have each other. i am lucky to have them both.