life is a beach

i have a lot of anxiety
about not finishing things that i start
or about not trying things i think about trying
but on a daily basis its about not doing something in the most efficient manner that it could have or should have been done

and sometimes that anxiety is self-deprecating or even paralyzing.
all the "if"s or "if only"s make me feel somewhat helpless rather than pushing me toward action

i was recently recalling a time only a few years ago when i was out doing a training run in preparation for a marathon on one of my favorite beaches in the world.
so i ran down the beach for 6 miles or so, but before i got to turn around, a storm had begun.

and without any time to have anticipated and worried, it was there:
thunder and lightening
and no one but me on the beach, six miles away from shelter.
and i remember feeling like i was trying to outrun the lightening (which is impossible for many reasons and trying impossible things can also give you anxiety) but it was only a moment before i suddenly felt a relief and a total sense of peace
relief in the fact that i knew i could not in fact outrun the lightening, and so the best i could do was enjoy that i had this whole beautiful island to myself for that time and that i was alone with the ocean and the big busy sky .

sometimes instead of fighting a current, you have to ride the wave.