for fathers day 2016

our lives are blessed. i know this
and yet,
i spend so much time overwhelmed
feeling like i am always behind,
trying to give 100% of my attention and energy to my newborn
trying to keep up with my schoolwork
trying to take care of a puppy
trying to run a household
trying to be a good mother, wife, daughter, sister, granddaughter, person?
but these days i am mostly trying to not lose my patience with my (almost) three year old - this task is all consuming and is the one i fail the most at.
i never thought such a little person could hold so much power over me.
and i had no idea how (or how much) she would be affected by the arrival of her new little brother
i am learning...

in looking on facebook and seeing everyone's posts about thanking their fathers or thanking their baby's fathers with: "to the best dad ever" and "so grateful" i felt guilty not having even given erk a card today
i felt bad that, like most days recently, we had a couple of terse exchanges.
and while i certainly cannot blame all of our problems on our three year old, she has been challenging us both in ways that test our patience beyond our interactions just with her.
it is as if she has recently been possessed by some older, sassier 10 year old.
every request is answered with "you're not in charge of me" or "I don't have to do that"
i keep catching myself fighting with her as if i, myself, were a two year old and it is... ridiculously frustrating (and ridiculous)

this evening erk found himself in a similar situation when giving her a bath.
and again i felt bad that this was part of his father's day - more lack of appreciation...
but when getting her pjs on that sassy 10 year old was suddenly possessed by an emotionally mature adult
she told me that she got her dad's shorts wet, and then, unprompted, she turned to him and said,
"sorry i got your shorts wet, dad"
and then
"and sorry i yelled at you"
and then
"sorry i told you you're not in charge and sorry i talked back"

?????!!!!!!!

how does she know the term "talking back?!!!"

i whispered to her to tell him "happy father's day"
and when she did erk gave her a kiss to which she responded "i love you too"

i think erk and i might have both gotten slightly teary-eyed.
our little girl is many things - and changing into more...
but one thing she will always be is a symbol and a manifestation of our love

sorry erk, i know it's cheesy, but some of the best things in the world are
happy father's day